So this blog has a couple of different things I wanted to talk about. It's funny that now when things happen or I see or hear about something I've started to think to myself, "hmmm, that would be a good thing to blog about" but I never seem to have the time. Plus I'm just not that good at putting my thoughts down in words. But I do try.
First, I wanted to tell you all about this book I have been reading. Yes! I HAVE been reading a book (when I find the time so it has taken longer than it should)! Most of you know that I'm not one to sit down and just read. I've never enjoyed it simple because my mind can't just stay focused on what I'm reading. It starts to wonder to something else so only part of my mind is taken in what I'm reading. It's really annoying actually because I think I could enjoy reading a lot more. Anyway, I've been reading this book that JT's mother sent to me called Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman. If you haven't heard about their story (which I'm sure most of you have and I'm just the last one to hear about it) you should read this book. Even if you have heard about their story, you should read it! It's amazing to me how they made it through the things they have gone through and still praise God through it all! I love how much their family loves each other and would do ANYTHING for one another (something I've been striving for since I was a bossy little girl). And I love the love they have for Christ even though they have suffered they way they have. One thing Mary Beth has taught me is that I have been fed a LOT of BIG lies from Satan and I've allowed myself to believe them! She didn't! And I admire that in her! I would give anything to be as strong as she is because I'm drowning here and so desperately want to be back to the girl God intended me to be. Maybe one day! Soon, I hope! This book has made me laugh, made me cry, made me value the people who are important to me more, and made me soften my heart just a bit more. You should read it too!
Second, I watched this movie last night that was a true story about a black lady who was treated wrongly by a man in Georgia and was wrongly accused of killing the man and was sentenced to the electric chair. The first and only women to be killed by the electric chair in the state of Georgia. As I cried while watching her suffer and be treated so wrongfully, I thought to myself, "how in the world could people have thought it was okay to treat other human beings that way JUST because they had different skin color?" I love watching movies that are true like this because it makes me want to be a person who makes a difference. The sad thing is I always have had the good intentions....I want to go to Africa to help those who are in need, I want to help the poor who have no home or food to eat, I want to help those that are beaten and treated wrongly, I want to give love to those who have never known love....but I never seem to act on those intentions! Yes, I show those around me love and yes I've gone on several mission trips to help those who are poor and have no home and no food but have I really DONE something? I WANT to do more but I never do! I don't know if it's that I'm scared or have the lack of resources to get started but whatever it is I'm tired of sitting around saying, "oh that is so sad! Someone should do something to help them!" and I want to start being that "someone" to help them. There is so much to do even around our own cities. It just always seems that something is always keeping us busy. I'm thinking it's time to unbusy ourselves and start acting!
And finally, the thing I wanted to talk about that has to do with the title of this blog. A few blogs ago I wrote you all and shared the really big struggles I am facing right now. One of those struggles being "friends"! Well, I feel like I've made a change by opening up more and being more friendly. I've kind of found the old cheerful, friendly Dana I use to be and started smiling and saying hello to people as they pass by and I've even just started walking around work and while running around on base with a smile on all the time and actually feeling happy. I feel different then I did a few months ago and feel like I've made progress BUT it's funny because as I'm starting to feel more like myself, the friendship department has gone downhill big time. In fact to be 100% honest I feel that I have no friends here at all. It's been hard for me. I watch people going out together all the time, getting together for this and that, having Bible studies together, etc and I'm never invited. I sit at home every night, including weekends. Now, yes this is a bit good in the sense that if I'm home then I'm not out spending money that I truly do not have but it would at least be nice to be invited to something. This weekend was probably one of the hardest ones. As I cried to JT he told me something that he has told me before but this time it hit me hard! He told me, "I'm sorry I brought you into this world and I know it's going to be so hard for you but you most likely will never find a TRUE friend as long as we are in the military world." We talked about this for a while because it is very hard for me. He is TRULY my best friend and man did I get the MOST wonderful and amazing, BEST best friend in the world! I just feel sorry for him because that means he gets it all. All the complaining, and hurt I feel, the excitement and silly girly stuff, EVERYTHING. But he does handle it better than most girls do! :) But, the thing he said was on my mind all weekend and made me think. There must be something God is trying to do in my life right now! I know he didn't make me the way he did so later in life I can be sad and hurting the rest of my life. I know that I need to take this time and open my ears and my heart and listen to what it is he is trying to teach me. I ask that you all will pray that I will soften my heart, listen to him, and allow him to teach me whatever it is he is trying to teach me! And also pray that JT will have a LOT of patience with me! :)
Dana,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this blog and agree with a lot of the points you brought up. I think I am going to check out that book you are reading...sounds inspiring. Would love to go have tea with you sometime when you're free! I could invite Chary too:)
Dana,
ReplyDeleteI realize that the military life can be very difficult for someone who has never experienced it before. I have grown up in a military family my whole life, and I would have to disagree with what JT told you. The military life is hard and you will encounter people who are not nice and do not want to be your friend, but if you open yourself up to it you just may be surprised and meet someone who will be your life-long friend. My mother was an Army wife for 23 years and she still has about 3 friends who she met at different stations that she is still very wonderful friends with. Having a military life can be difficult, but when you do make that friend they will understand every emotion and trial that you are going through...someone in the civilian world may not always understand the hardships we face as military wives. I will pray that you find peace in whatever it is that you are searching for. Keep writing...you're good at it! I love reading your blogs!
Marilyn
I have to say I disagree with JT too! Being Army, I have met some AMAZING women here at Bragg and it only started happening when I started doing what you are talking about, being friendly! I came to the realization that in order to have a friend you have to BE a friend. Which means you get to do about 90% of the work in the beginning! It is harder in the military, and not all friendships will last forever, maybe just for the current circumstance or station, but they are ones that I won't forget for the good or the bad because they are people that truely know what I am dealing with on a daily basis, and they never question or judge how I feel.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just remember he didn't bring you into anything. YOU chose to. Now have fun with it! Time to make lemonade out of those lemons, girlfriend, or this lifestyle will eat you alive. :)
Dana,
ReplyDeleteCan I add to the pot?! I would absolutely agree with the above comments! Kelly is my best friend, aside from Christ, but it is my military friends that are supporting me through this deployment! I would have not made it this far and for sure not to the end without the prayer support of the true friendships that the Lord has brought to me. He knows that you are here, in this military lifestyle..He knows it's lonely at times...and He will provide EVERYTHING that you need! Trust him...tell Him what you need(He already knows) and stay close to Him and just watch Him do His thing! You will have sacrificed a TON by the end of his career, we all do. I think Paul said it best...I know what it is to be in need and to have plenty...I can do all things(concerning the Kingdom) through Christ who strengthens me! Buckle up girlie, it's an exciting ride! :)
Amy Rakes
Dana,
ReplyDeleteI just started reading your blog! I agree with JT and with the other posts. I think you get a lot of fake friends, and you have the ability to find a few diamonds in the rough. We are on our third duty station now and the only "true" friend that I have, that I stay in contact with is back in the states now. She was the best gift God could have given me when I first entered the military world! True, you do have to put yourself out there, but know that you probably still will get burned by some. I had one gal at our last duty station that I thought was a great friend. We made plans to even get together after we moved and she has completely blown me off, canceled a trip on us that we were all supposed to do together and doesn't even give me the time of day anymore, and we used to do all sorts of stuff. I guess it's an out of sight out of mind thing. We are gearing up for a deployment and I hope that there will be friends here for me, but we will see! The best thing I can tell you is that I try to be a friend, in order to gain friends. God did put us in the positions we are in for a reason, but sometimes I still wonder what that is too! Praying for you!
First off, I am so glad that you finally got the book that I read in one day! (Remember, I talked about it last September.)
ReplyDeleteSecondly, that's the book I was trying to mail to you but it obviously never showed up. The company finally (after over 2 months) sent it directly to me. I was gonna give it to you for your birthday. Oh well. I'll find someone else to give it to. :)
Thirdly, I believe that the Lord has allowed you to go through the things that you have for a reason. It's shaping you into the woman that He wants you to become. Remember, He turns all things into good...in His time. Nothing that has happened in your life will be wasted. As I've told you before, talk with Him about your hurts and frustrations...He wants to be your EVERYTHING! JT will eventually fail, but only because he's human...like the rest of us. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit will NEVER fail you! You already know this, I'm just reminding you.
Fourthly, I will continue to pray for you! After all, I do have a selfish motive in doing so: I get to be a part of what He's doing in your life! :)
I love you baby sister!
WOW I got quite the response! :) Well first thank you all for your encouraging words. I truly appreciate them! Secondly, I don't want anyone thinking JT is encouraging me to think negatively or telling me I will NEVER make a good friend in the military. I just took one sentence he said to me out of the whole hour plus conversation. He does believe that I can make friends and so do I. And to be fear I have met people. You, Darla and Marylin, are great people who I would LOVE to get to know more and become good friends. All I was trying to get across to everyone is that I feel that this dry spot in friendships is for a reason and I believe God IS trying to teach me something! I hope I didn't offend anyone because that wasn't what I was intending! God is doing a lot in my heart/life and it is hard at times and I just need to talk through those thoughts/feelings to someone with a listening ear and a compassionate heart. Sometimes those feelings and thoughts are negative but it's a part of working through the process. Thanks again to you all for your support and encouragement!
ReplyDeleteOk, Dana, I don't know you but I know your Mom and Dad and Denise and Deborah (even though those 2 don't remember me, haha)and can I say i love your blog. So here are my thoughts...
ReplyDeleteI too am an Army wife (Jim retires in March, yeah!)and may I say, you will probably meet some of your best life long friends on this journey. I made up my mind at the beginning that I was going to love every place we were sent because no matter what, we'd eventually leave and that my attitude would set the tone for our home. Yes, there were many gloomy days and I missed my friends and family back home, but I put on that smile every day. And Dana, you cannot put it on yourself. Simply ask the Lord to help you every morning and believe me by noon sometimes you may be asking again, but I promise He WILL!! My prayer on many occassions (and yes, still sometimes today)is Change my heart o 'God..remember that song? He is faithful.
And one other thing as far as having that servants heart. I believe you are in one of the largest mission fields you could ever be in. Our soldiers and their families need God and they need good Christian examples and as I said I don't know you, but I KNOW you, if you get what I mean, haha...our spirits know another and I can sense your love for the Lord. Dana, keep doing what you are doing, stay committed to the Lord and trust in Him to bring the friends He has in store for you. This "dry" time, is probably a growing time for you, but hang on, I promise the mountain is coming. This thing I know for sure, He hasn't brought you this far to leave you now.
Blessings to you Dana. would love to meet you sometime and can I just say that Deborah was always my favorite little girls at 1st church in harlingen and she is still as cute as she ever was...you are close second, hahaha....Sandi