Choosing to SEE

So this blog has a couple of different things I wanted to talk about. It's funny that now when things happen or I see or hear about something I've started to think to myself, "hmmm, that would be a good thing to blog about" but I never seem to have the time. Plus I'm just not that good at putting my thoughts down in words. But I do try.

First, I wanted to tell you all about this book I have been reading. Yes! I HAVE been reading a book (when I find the time so it has taken longer than it should)! Most of you know that I'm not one to sit down and just read. I've never enjoyed it simple because my mind can't just stay focused on what I'm reading. It starts to wonder to something else so only part of my mind is taken in what I'm reading. It's really annoying actually because I think I could enjoy reading a lot more. Anyway, I've been reading this book that JT's mother sent to me called Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman. If you haven't heard about their story (which I'm sure most of you have and I'm just the last one to hear about it) you should read this book. Even if you have heard about their story, you should read it! It's amazing to me how they made it through the things they have gone through and still praise God through it all! I love how much their family loves each other and would do ANYTHING for one another (something I've been striving for since I was a bossy little girl). And I love the love they have for Christ even though they have suffered they way they have. One thing Mary Beth has taught me is that I have been fed a LOT of BIG lies from Satan and I've allowed myself to believe them! She didn't! And I admire that in her! I would give anything to be as strong as she is because I'm drowning here and so desperately want to be back to the girl God intended me to be. Maybe one day! Soon, I hope! This book has made me laugh, made me cry, made me value the people who are important to me more, and made me soften my heart just a bit more. You should read it too!

Second, I watched this movie last night that was a true story about a black lady who was treated wrongly by a man in Georgia and was wrongly accused of killing the man and was sentenced to the electric chair. The first and only women to be killed by the electric chair in the state of Georgia. As I cried while watching her suffer and be treated so wrongfully, I thought to myself, "how in the world could people have thought it was okay to treat other human beings that way JUST because they had different skin color?" I love watching movies that are true like this because it makes me want to be a person who makes a difference. The sad thing is I always have had the good intentions....I want to go to Africa to help those who are in need, I want to help the poor who have no home or food to eat, I want to help those that are beaten and treated wrongly, I want to give love to those who have never known love....but I never seem to act on those intentions! Yes, I show those around me love and yes I've gone on several mission trips to help those who are poor and have no home and no food but have I really DONE something? I WANT to do more but I never do! I don't know if it's that I'm scared or have the lack of resources to get started but whatever it is I'm tired of sitting around saying, "oh that is so sad! Someone should do something to help them!" and I want to start being that "someone" to help them. There is so much to do even around our own cities. It just always seems that something is always keeping us busy. I'm thinking it's time to unbusy ourselves and start acting!

And finally, the thing I wanted to talk about that has to do with the title of this blog. A few blogs ago I wrote you all and shared the really big struggles I am facing right now. One of those struggles being "friends"! Well, I feel like I've made a change by opening up more and being more friendly. I've kind of found the old cheerful, friendly Dana I use to be and started smiling and saying hello to people as they pass by and I've even just started walking around work and while running around on base with a smile on all the time and actually feeling happy. I feel different then I did a few months ago and feel like I've made progress BUT it's funny because as I'm starting to feel more like myself, the friendship department has gone downhill big time. In fact to be 100% honest I feel that I have no friends here at all. It's been hard for me. I watch people going out together all the time, getting together for this and that, having Bible studies together, etc and I'm never invited. I sit at home every night, including weekends. Now, yes this is a bit good in the sense that if I'm home then I'm not out spending money that I truly do not have but it would at least be nice to be invited to something. This weekend was probably one of the hardest ones. As I cried to JT he told me something that he has told me before but this time it hit me hard! He told me, "I'm sorry I brought you into this world and I know it's going to be so hard for you but you most likely will never find a TRUE friend as long as we are in the military world." We talked about this for a while because it is very hard for me. He is TRULY my best friend and man did I get the MOST wonderful and amazing, BEST best friend in the world! I just feel sorry for him because that means he gets it all. All the complaining, and hurt I feel, the excitement and silly girly stuff, EVERYTHING. But he does handle it better than most girls do! :) But, the thing he said was on my mind all weekend and made me think. There must be something God is trying to do in my life right now! I know he didn't make me the way he did so later in life I can be sad and hurting the rest of my life. I know that I need to take this time and open my ears and my heart and listen to what it is he is trying to teach me. I ask that you all will pray that I will soften my heart, listen to him, and allow him to teach me whatever it is he is trying to teach me! And also pray that JT will have a LOT of patience with me! :)

Time for a serious change

So today I went to the doctors. I had some blood tests done yesterday and my doctor wanted to go over the results with me. Found out some kind of scary results. She told me that my bad cholesterol is too high. It is at 217 and should be below 100. Not good! My calcium is a bit low. It's 8.8 and should be at 10.5 and my glucose is a bit high. It's at 106.5 and should below 100. This isn't good. They gave me lots of information on how to lower your cholesterol and told me that if my glucose doesn't go down that they need to test me for diabetes. Hmmm....not a good thing! So from today forward I have to make changes on how to eat my food. I was sent to the HAWK on base which is a place that helps people with eating healthy and exercising right. They have all kinds of classes to teach you how to do things such as cooking....so I was told I need to go to one of these classes to teach me how to cook healthy.
I want to take this time to ask my family and friends to make some of these same changes in their own lives and way of eating. I know it takes me time to plan things out and it is just so much easier to go to Taco Bell (yummy Taco Bell) but we need to think of our long term health and our kid’s health. So starting today my life is going to be changing, why don't you make that change too?

Happy New Year

My New Year's Kiss

Happy New Year everyone! I pray that my new year is just that...happy! I also pray that all of your new years are happy too! I've been thinking about what my first blog of 2011 should be about. Should I write my New Years resolutions, or should I write about my past year events? Or perhaps I should write about the things that have been troubling my heart and my desires to make them better. I decided that I'm going to try and focus on the future and how I can make it better then my past. So here are the things that I want to focus on this New Year.

1. I want to focus on my relationship with Christ and how I can make it stronger; reading my Bible, praying, getting involved at church....

2. I want to focus on loving JT unconditionally and whole heartily, being the best wife for him; writing him little notes, doing devotions together as a couple, date nights once a week, taking care of him when he needs it, learning to understand our differences and accept them, tell him I love him everyday...

3. I want to focus on loving others without expecting their love in return or putting expectations on how I think they should love me back; writing more letters and sending more cards, praying for them, expressing how much they mean to me, forgiving them for hurting me.....

4. I want to focus on learning how to love myself; stop thinking and saying negative things about myself, taking care of my body and heath, believing that I am worthy of love and that I AM loved.....

These 4 things cover a LOT and are going to take a lot of dedication and effort but I know it is time for me to let go of so much and make a lot of changes starting with giving control back to my God.

I am excited for what 2011 hold. JT and I only have 160 days from today until our wedding day and I am beyond excited. I am going to be working on losing weight for the next 5 months so that I can look great for that day as well as just feeling better about myself! I could really use all of your encouragement and support because it's been hard to stay strong with it but I know I can do it and I WILL!!!!

Well again, Happy New Year to you all and I truly pray that your new year does bring happiness!!! I can't wait to see some of you in this coming year and know that I hold you all close to my heart.

Tell me what are some of you New Year resolutions?????